“Adoption meant I’d have these parents forever.”
My mom gave me up because she was going through drug therapy and she couldn’t get rid of the drugs, so she had to get rid of something. She didn’t want me to be mistreated, so she gave me away. Foster care was going from one house to another house and rules and stuff changing. You’d get to know a neighborhood - walking to the ice cream store or whatever - and then change to another home. It was confusing. You’d get up in the middle of the night and go, “Where’s the bathroom?” One time I broke my arm and got moved. At least I thought that was why I had to be moved.
…
Then I came to this family. From the beginning they acted like my parents, like they really did want me. My dad would be watching The Simpsons and I’d come and sit beside him and he’d put his arm around me and we’d start talking. I had the option of calling them Jeff and Sue or Mom and Dad. I chose Mom and Dad ’cause I felt comfortable with them. I knew adoption meant that I’d have these parents forever. That was not peroblem ’cause they were really cool.
I have seven adopted brothers and sisters plus my biological brother and my dad’s biological daughter. When my younger brother William came, he always wanted me to pick him up. When we went to court for him to be adopted, he came over and sat on my lap. That was real neat.
My brothers and sisters are from all different races. Some people can be really rude and racist, but I just tell them, “You parents had you. My parents chose me.” Or I’ll say, “My dad’s with me all the time. How ‘ bout yours? What’s he do? He hands you 20 bucks and tells you to go to the arcade. I’m with my dad having fun, playing T-ball.”
I seem like my dad for some reason. Everyone says that. He’s into taking things apart and making them work. My little brother will give me something that’s broken and I’ll take it and fix it too.
I remember the day I got adopted. My dad said, “This is the day that you’re gonna be officially mine. How do you feel about that?” I said, “It feels good, Dad.” Then we came home and it was like a big birthday party, but it was an adoption party. When I went to school the next day the whole room was decorateed with “Happy Adoption Day” and they gave me this big poster and everyone signed it.
There’s nothing better than having a set of parents that really love you and want to take care of you the rest of your life, someone you can call Mom and Dad. Like if something is wrong with your car and you need help, you can call your dad. But if you’re out there by yourself, who are you gonna call?
Being in foster care is like four people in a room, each in a corner. Being adopted feels like all the people in the middle of the room, all talking to each other. It’s not just you and the wall.
-an excerpt from A Rage to Do Better: Listening to Young People from the Foster Care System, by Nell Bernstein; Charles, 15, is a high school student. He was adopted along with his older brother when he was nine years old, after five years in several foster homes.