Brothers and Sisters
I recently attended a conference with staff from several counties focusing on our implementation of Differential Response. For those of you who may not be aware, this program has been developed as part of our child welfare redesign. When families are referred for services and assessed, and it is determined that formal child welfare is not needed, the family may still benefit from being connected to a community, or faith-based provider, for services: a differential response.
One of the more powerful parts of the conference was a panel presentation that included both birth families and former foster youh. Part of the panel focused on the “Digital Stories” these youth shared with the audience; stories they have put on DVD’s to help educate those of us involved in this work, as well as the public. Whether or nor these stories are completely accurate in respect to the “system” is immaterial. What is important, rather, is their reflection on how the youth experience the “system” and what the public will learn from their stories.
What I took away from those stories is, after being part of child welfare for over 26 years, as a worker, supervisor, manager and director, I will never know what it feels like to be separated from my parents and my siblings and to be placed in a home that is totally foreign to me. These youth stressed over and over again how important it was to have their sisters and brothers as part of their lives, and when we separate them into different homes, we sever an important relationship for them.
I agonized over their stories, searching my own past experience and times when I had children from the same family in two or three homes. I rationalized my pacement decisions recalling how licensing staff were unable to provide a foster home with sufficient space for the children needing a home. I remembered that they may not have had an appropriate relative for placement. And even so, my experience has been that the relative often could not take all of their own relative foster children, due to their own responsibilities or lack of space.
This is a difficult issue, but somehow it needs to be addressed. As a natioin we have moved away from orphanages, and social scientist believe this is a good thing. But, by moving to foster homes, we have increased the likelihood that children will not be placed with their brothers or sisters.
As an agency, we are working to increase foster homes that can, and want to, take siblings. I hope you will join us in this recruitment strategy by talking to your family, friends, and neighbors about becoming a foster parent. The next time you have vacancies in your home, specifically ask for siblings to be placed with you. If you have a foster child in your home that has siblings in another home, make sure their visits and contacts take place.
I think it is our responsibility to ensure that our foster children have someone that will be able to say, “He’s not heavy, he’s my brother.”
-From Contra Costa Foster Families Newsletter, Jan/Feb 2006